How to influence without saying a word

Imagine walking into Mother Nature’s Cathedral – the redwood groves of northern California. You leave your car in the parking lot and follow the trail into the woods. You make small talk with your companions, as you meander along. But once you step into the forest – something changes. Suddenly, you’re surrounded by something very, very, powerful.

And I don’t mean the trees.
Yes, the trees are amazing.
But, what is really powerful is . . . the silence.
Silence envelops you. The silence causes you to walk more slowly. Look more carefully. And become more present and aware.

Silence is powerful.

The power of silence is not only in the redwoods.
Silence is everywhere. At work. At home. Even in the midst of traffic. Silence is there (right now while you’re reading this).

It’s just so . . . silent. It’s easy to overlook and ignore.
When you ignore silence – you end up with noise.
How many times have you left a meeting wondering how so many words could add up to so little communication?

Powerful communication isn’t measured in the quantity of words.
And, if you want your communication to have more impact and influence – you need to pay as much attention to silence – as you pay attention to words.

Because powerful communication is as much about silence as words.
In a world that is overflowing with information, messages, and words – it’s hard to get anyone’s attention. Their brains are on overload – and mostly shut down.

Talking louder and faster isn’t the answer. People are tired of blah, blah, blah. Volume does not garner attention. Quite the opposite – the louder and faster you talk, the less people really listen.
And that’s not what you want as a communicator.

You don’t want people to tune you out.
You want people to really listen. You want to influence others through what you say.

And you want to draw them out, as well:

To create authentic dialogue and build mutual understanding.
To be influential in ways that promotes positive results.

That’s why silence is your greatest ally.

When you make silence your ally – you have the most powerful element of communication on your side.
Here are three ways silence can make your communication more powerful:

1) Before you speak . . . allow silence to introduce your words.

Public speakers, celebrities, politicians, are always given an introduction before they step to the microphone and speak.

Why?

Because, the introduction increases people’s receptivity and focuses their attention.
Silence can do the same thing for you.
Before you speak, pause. Become silent. Totally, mindfully silent.
For just a few seconds.

A few seconds of silence in a world drowning in noise – will have a powerful impact.
It will focus people’s attention. And that’s what you want – their attention. It will increase their curiosity and enhance their receptivity.

When I say a few seconds, I mean 2 or 3 at most.
You don’t need much silence. It’s that powerful. And most people can’t handle too much power.
So, while a couple of seconds of silence will rivet their attention on you. Too much will freak them out.

How can you ensure that they don’t freak out?
First – just use a few seconds of silence.
And during those 2-3 seconds – stay physically, emotionally, and mentally relaxed.
Breathe comfortably. Have a half-smile (barely perceptible) on your lips.
Let the silence work.

As you grab their attention – through the unexpected use of silence – they will to tune into you.
You’ve piqued their curiosity through the use of silence. You’ve heightened their attention through the silence. They’re a bit off balance now. They’re looking to you for clues. They’re ready to take your lead.

That’s why it is so important for you to be relaxed.
Because if you get uncomfortable with the silence. They’ll take your lead – and get uncomfortable too.
But, when you stay relaxed – your physical, emotional, and mental relaxation non-verbally tells them that it’s safe to pay close attention to you.

Remember, this is all happening in the space of 2-3 seconds:
The silence has given you your introduction.
You have their attention.
Your words will have more impact.

Here’s another way that silence can work for you –

2) After you ask a question . . . let silence draw out others’ answers.
Silence can focus attention on you and what you say. And silence can also help you to engage others – to draw out their thoughts and feelings.

After you ask a question, it is important to let silence do its work.

Silence will allow your question to sink into your listener’s mind and heart.
Silence creates an environment in which the other person can reflect and discern their answer to your question. Silence let’s them go below the surface – so that their reflections and answer are not just superficial.

Silence opens them to the importance of your question.
And depending on the nature of your question – they may be more or less comfortable sharing their answer.
A common scenario in team meetings is for someone to ask a question – and for the group to give no response. A few seconds of silence ensue.

Typically, the speaker will get uncomfortable with the silence and either:

Answer the question they just asked.
Move on to another topic.
Or rephrase the question.

Any of these approaches short-circuits the power of silence.
So, when you ask a question – whether of a group or individual – let silence carry the question deeper. This can take longer than 2-3 seconds. But, it will almost never take more than 10 seconds.

Again, the key is for you to remain comfortable.
Recognize that silence is your ally – and that it needs 5-10 seconds to do its work. Keep breathing and comfortably anticipate their response.

Most people cannot resist the power of silence for more than 10 seconds. They will be compelled to speak. To answer your question.

And now, for the third way silence can improve your communication:

3) While others are speaking to you . . . let silence enhance your listening.
Walking through the redwoods – makes you realize how much silence enhances your listening. You really listen. Every sound is clarified by the silence.
You can bring this same clarity to your listening through the practice of inner silence.

Most listening is done with partial attention - at best.
While others are talking your mind, typically, churns on – thinking about your response, reformulating your position, even wondering about what’s for dinner.

All this inner chatter inhibits listening. And when you’re not listening, you cannot truly tune into the most important part of the other person’s message.

The most important part of their message is: what they want to communicate but cannot say.
They can’t say it because it’s too hard to admit, it’s embarrassing, or they just don’t have the right words.
And that’s where silence can help you – and them.

You make mind like a redwood grove.
Spacious. Still. Silent. And you let their communication enter. You hear more than the words when you listen in silence.

There’s always more to a message than can be put into words. Sometimes the words people use actually confuse the message they’re trying to communicate.
That’s were silence can help you. When you make your mind like a redwood forest – the silence allows you to hear the meaning behind the words.
You really get what they’re saying – even if they can’t articulate it clearly.

So, let’s recap.

What are the three ways that silence can make your communication more powerful?

Before you speak . . . allow silence to introduce your words. Take 2-3 seconds to let silence increase others receptivity and focus their attention on what you are about to say.
After you ask a question . . . let silence draw out others’ answers. And 5-10 seconds of silence will take your questions deeper and invite people to share their answers.
While others are speaking to you . . . let silence enhance your listening. To really hear the message – hidden behind the words – let silence clarify your listening.

When you use these three techniques every conversation can be like a walk in the redwoods. All because of the power of silence.