Every coin has two sides – a head and a tail.
They can’t be separated. Wherever you find a head – there’s a tail.
Every complete communication has two sides also – a listening side and a talking side.
But, these, alas, can be separated.
And often are.
Most of us put way more energy into talking than listening. (Okay . . . maybe not you . . .. but I do.)
When I’m passionate about a subject, when I feel that my point of view is under attack, forget listening. I’m all about the talky-talk.
But, talking isn’t the same as communicating.
Too much talk and too little listening – undermines communication. And it undermines goal setting too.
Because successful goal setting requires lots of listening.
What does listening have to do with goal setting?
Let me quote author, Parker Palmer who sums it up beautifully: “Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am.”
Typical goal setting gets half the equation right. The talking half.
In typical goal setting you tell your life, “This is what I want. These are the objectives I want to achieve. The experiences I want to have.”
But, the listening half is often neglected.
Listening to your life takes slowing down.
And slowing down seems so antithetical to the way goal setting has been taught to most of us.
We’ve been told that goal setting is about getting going. Charging forth. Sallying forth into the future.
Well, it is . . . and . . . it isn’t.
Yes, goal setting is future-focused.
It’s true – goals are meant to promote action.
But, how can you know in advance that the goals you are setting – are ones you really want to invest your life energy in?
Wouldn’t that be worth knowing?
Listening to your life connects you to a clear and profound sense of what matters most.
This is information worth paying attention to.
Because, while it is possible to simply tell your life what you want it to do – pausing to listen lets you to align the trajectory of your goals with your deepest values.
You begin by listening to your history.
Sprinkled through your life are experiences when what you were doing (and who you were being) brought you fully alive. Times when your actions and interactions enriched your self and your world.
There are clues in those life experiences – about what matters most to you, about your values, and the work you are called to do in this life.
Discerning the clues hidden in these positive memories let’s you shape your future-focused goals in ways that embody your values and bring your calling to life.
The key to this listening is not to over-think the process.
Listening to positive memories is not an analytical exercise
Your ability to think and analyze has its place. Later. Much later. When you are in the action and implementation phase of your work.
For now, the key is listening. Being receptive. Tuning in.
Let yourself feel the giddy, alive, potent sensations that come from breathing in those positive memories.
Yes, breathe them in. Deeply.
(And if your analytical mind can’t figure out how to breathe in memories – well that’s because it’s not his/her turn to be in charge yet.)
Keep breathing them in.
And let yourself connect – without words – to the energizing impact that comes from listening deeply to your life in this way.
Listening connects you to the creative energy of your life.
What begins as an exercise in remembering quickly brings you into contact with a very lively feeling.
It’s the feeling that comes when you connect with the creative energy that has fueled your most cherished experiences.
When you are connected to and acting from that creative energy, you’re able to set and pursue goals with power and integrity.
When you are disconnected from it, your vitality evaporates, decision-making is confused, and the way forward feels like slogging through wet cement.
Once you’re breathing in harmony with that creative energy – it is time to ask a question.
Ask your life, “What do you want?”
You ask this question into the center of your heart. Or into the core of that creative energy. You ask it, and then become quiet. Listen again. And then write down what you are told.
Use this as a basis for goal setting.
Expand on it.
Elaborate it.
Extend it.
Because having listened to what your life has to say – it is time for you to talk. To declare what it is you want. To set goals.
After all, how valuable is a coin that only has one side?
Here are the steps to this process:
1) Recall two or three times in your work and/or life when you were most energized, engaged, and fulfilled.
2) Then, pick one. Then focus in on a moment (a detail or event) that, for you, captures the positive essence or energy of that whole experience.
3) Tune into the feeling of that moment. Sense it. Breathe it in.
4) Let go of words and just enjoy the giddy, alive, potent sensations that come from breathing in that positive memory.
5) Once you’re breathing in harmony with that creative energy – ask that energy (your energy) “What do you want?”
6) Ask and then be quiet.
7) Write down what you are told.
8) Use this to kick-start and direct your goal setting.
Expand on it.
Elaborate it.
Extend it.
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