My friend Gary Winters, besides being a great leadership coach, is a talented keyboard player. Though this is not through any fault of his own.

“My parent’s forced me to take lessons and practice,” Gary told me. “I fought them tooth and nail. I would rail against what they were doing ‘to’ me.”

Now, he’s grateful. When he sits down at the keyboard to play, he thinks fondly of what his parent’s did ‘for’ him. This is often the nature of a “developmental opportunity”.

What is a developmental opportunity?

It’s a situation, relationship, condition that puts pressure on you to develop your:

• Skills – so you can take more powerful, courageous actions in the world
• Character – so you can more completely and authentically express your gifts
• Consciousness – so you can resolve obstacles in ways that promote greater personal integration and collective solidarity

It’s an experience that comes into your life unbidden (at least as far as your conscious mind is concerned). It pushes, challenges, and causes you to grow in ways that you never anticipated. It’s a full court press that corners your soul and demands that you dig deep to bring forth untapped resources and unexpressed ways of being in the world.

While it’s happening, a developmental opportunity causes more gnashing of teeth and shedding of tears – than outpourings of gratitude.

It feels like a problem that you want to make go away (like parents forcing you to sit at the piano during summer vacation). While it’s happening it will feel like it’s happening to you. But, when you’re through it – you’ll see that it was happening for you.

It’s only when you’re on the tail end of the process, when the learnings have been integrated, that you’re able to appreciate and recognize the value you’ve gained.

My question is . . . why wait?

Why wait until the end of the process to appreciate it? Why grit your teeth and struggle through, when you could, with a bit more clarity, move through the developmental process with greater ease?

You don’t need positive thinking to accomplish this move.

You simply need to change your perspective from seeing what is happening to you in order to see what is happening for you.

Here’s  how:

Complete this exercise:

1) Identify your developmental opportunity:

2) Complete these phrases:

This  is happening for me so that I can develop the courage to . . .

And develop the skills to . . .

Now, take a breath.

And feel this shift from the even happening to you – to it happening for you.

• What are you aware of now?
• What’s a simple way to take action from this new perspective?

Related Posts:

• Do You Want People to be More Accountable?
• How to be more creative (without trying)
• What’s your mantra?
• Are you working with flies or butterflies?
• What’s Going on in Your Leadership Brain? (video)