3 steps to solving long-standing problems

When we first moved to San Diego, we lived in a neighborhood called Ocean Beach. It’s close to the ocean and the airport. I loved being close to the beach. But, the regular roar and rumble of jets overhead tortured me. For about a month. Then, I habituated. More than getting used to the noise – I stopped noticing. The noise didn’t register in my awareness. Through habituation, the roar had receded into the background.

It’s natural to habituate.

Habituation serves a function. It’s necessary in this noisy world to shut out the racket. Your nervous system can’t absorb it all. There’s just too much input. So, you dial down your awareness. You habituate and allow much of the din and drone of life to recede into the background.

This allows you to function.

You’re not overwhelmed. But, you’re also not fully present; not in touch with what is happening around you.

Habituation protects you. And it blinds you.

Because, whatever you’ve habituated to hasn’t really gone away. It’s just moved into your psychological blind spot. It’s like those jets. They’re still roaring by. Filling the air with noise pollution. The din is still pounding away at the nervous system.

When you habituate to a situation, you stop noticing the effects.

It’s still affecting you. It’s still there. You’re just not paying attention. And therefore, don’t take action to change the situation.

It’s much easier to focus on new problems.

Your brain loves new problems. Your brain loves the stimulation of a new problem. The freshness. The vividness. The immediacy. New problems are like shiny new presents for your brain.

A new problem kicks your attention into high gear and focuses your brain on taking action.

It feels good to tackle new problems. And it can be important. But, it can also be a decoy that further distances your from dealing with the long term issues that have faded into the background.

Chronic issues fade into the background.

The longer a problem has persisted the more likely it is that your brain will habituate to it. It’s the lingering problems that we ignore not the fresh fight.

They’re not emergencies. You barely notice them after a while. Not because they’re not important to address. But, because you’re habituated to them.

Until you bring these issues into your awareness – they’ll continue to plague you.

The effects of these back-burner issues don’t disappear just because your brain has habituated to them. They still cause trouble. Undermine performance. And hold you back from fulfilling your mission.

How can you become aware of what you’ve stopped noticing?

It’s tricky.

Let’s face it – habituation has its benefits. Turning off your awareness does protect you.

So, before you make any changes, appreciate what the habituation has done for you. And with the very next breath, recognize that habituation can’t move you forward. Habituation never completed anything.

Here are the Three Steps:

Step 1) Go on a rant.

This is a very specific type of rant with a very defined goal.

The goal of this rant is to bring into awareness those concerns, issues, conflicts, etc. that you have ignored, given up hope about, and wish that someone would do something about.

To perform this rant successfully you cannot be polite. You can’t be indirect. You need to unload. Put your politically correct persona aside and give your rant free rein.

Here are some unfinished sentences to get you started:

I can’t stand it when . . .
I am so tired of people who . . .
Why can’t we . . .
I wish someone would do something about . . .
What drives me crazy around here is . . .

Step 2) Discover what you really care most about (that’s hidden in the rant)

The rant is your raw material. The rant has released a torrent of emotional energy (if you’ve done it honestly). This is a delicate moment. The intensity of your emotions over the issue could easily be directed into blaming others (or yourself).

That’s why this second step is so essential. This is where you turn the emotional energy from simply fueling a rant towards taking positive action.

Here’s how. By recognizing that you wouldn’t rant about something that you didn’t really care about. So, turn your attention towards that caring. Focus on why this issue matters so much to you. Become aware of what it is that you really want, what you care most about – that led to the rant in the first place.

Complete these sentences:

What matters most to me in this situation is . . .
What I really want for us is . . .
What I am deeply committed to is . . .

Step 3) Determine a small, immediate action

Now, that you know what you care most about – take action. But, not massive action. Something small that starts the ball rolling. Something you can do that:

Reflects what you care most about
Will engage others’ commitment
Is relatively easy to start

Don’t expect the situation to be resolved with a single action. That’s not realistic. This three-step process is not designed to finish the job. Rather, these three steps are focused on breaking you out of your habituation – so that you can start to address those lingering issues that have faded, like the jet planes of Ocean Beach, into the background of your awareness.