The Problem with Being Positive
I was at lunch the other day with a friend. While I waited for my soup, I kept smelling the spicy aroma of Tabasco sauce. My mouth watered. So, when my soup arrived I liberally dosed it with the spicy sauce. I went over board. From pleasantly spicy to tastelessly burning. Too much of a good thing . . . ruins the soup.
It’s the same with positivity.
It’s good to be positive. The research on the impact of a positive mind state keeps revealing more and more benefits: from health to wealth. But, when you use positivity to protect yourself from difficult experiences, you’ve crossed the line from being positive to being a Pollyanna.
Being a Pollyanna isn’t the same as being positive.
In the book Pollyanna the heroine (Pollyanna, herself) receives a set of crutches instead of a doll in her Christmas charity box. She wanted a doll. Her father tells her to be thankful for the crutches. Why? Because they remind her of the fact that she doesn’t need crutches – because she can walk. Huh?
This isn’t being positive.
It’s denying disappointment and wholesome desire. It’s turning away from what’s real. And as the great science fiction author, Philip K. Dick, remarked, “Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.”
Reality endures. Reality has a much longer life span than Pollyanna spin.
No matter how hard you try to cover over reality with Pollyanna spin – reality doesn’t go away.
25 years ago, when I worked in a Fortune 100 corporation, my vice-president loved to tell us, “Let’s not get negative. We don’t have problems – we have opportunities.”
He said this whenever someone raised a really tough issue at Monday morning staff meetings. Issues without easy answers. Polarizing issues where people on both sides had legitimate points to make. Issues that demanded courage and leadership to resolve. The kind of issues heat up the conversation because people get passionate, intense, and even angry.
He couldn’t take the heat.
So, he labeled the intensity as “negative”. His “positivity” shut down the conversation. We learned to keep our passionate views to ourselves and not to bring our toughest issues to his staff meetings. We understood that when he told us to “stop being negative” what he really meant was, “I can’t handle all this intensity. I don’t want to deal with the issue you’re raising.”
He used “positivity” as a way of avoiding the messiness that resolving tough issues requires.
Tough issues aren’t easy – by definition. They involve tough choices. They require wading into the churning waters of conflict and strong emotions. But, he couldn’t deal with conflict or intense emotions. And, so he avoided tough issues, tough conversations, and tough decisions. All in the name of positivity. But, it wasn’t positive. It was Pollyanna.
Positivity that cannot face and embrace what’s really going on – isn’t positive at all. It’s Pollyanna. It’s turning away from what’s real. And, in so doing, Pollyanna positivity destroys team morale, undermines communication, and hobbles organizational performance.
There’s another way to be positive.
A way that doesn’t require rose colored glasses. It’s a healthy positivity that embraces reality – whether it’s “good” or “bad”.
Healthy positivity assumes that: strong emotions signal deep values.
If you or those you work with are experiencing strong emotions -it’s because you care deeply. People don’t get emotionally intense about issues that don’t matter to them. So, emotions are clues that deep values are being challenged (if people are angry, frustrated, sad, upset). Or that deep values are being fulfilled (if people are elated, excited, happy).
Following the trail of emotions leads you back to core values.
Connecting to core values links you back to the source of passion and purpose. There’s no reason to hide from emotions. Rather, trace emotions back to their source – in core values.
Getting back to core values connects you (and others) back to what matters most. Then, rather than pretending that “everything is fine” you can throw away rose-colored glasses and focus your passions on solving problems and realizing your purpose.
Questions for Reflection & Action
Where are you (or your team) practicing Pollyanna positivity?
What tough issues are being avoided?
What difficult conversations are being smoothed over?
What strong emotions are not allowed?
What’s the cost to you, the team, and the organization of this Pollyanna positivity?
What core values are underneath the strong emotions?
What is it that you and others really, really, care about? What are the core values at the heart of this burning issue?
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1 Can I be powerful and still be nice? | Dharma Consulting // May 7, 2010 at 10:23 pm
[...] is a question that a woman emailed me after reading my post The Problem with Being Positive: “Can I harness my power and still be [...]
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