Imagine that you’ve been at a dinner party, laughing, talking, and feeling good. Then, you go into the restroom, look in the mirror and see green. A piece of salad stuck in your teeth. Just hanging there for all to see.

You know everybody you talked to saw it. But, nobody said anything.

You can’t see the green stuff that’s stuck in your teeth.

Until you look in a mirror. Or until somebody tells you.

Here’s the thing to know: you do have some kind of green stuff stuck in your teeth, and you can’t see it.

It’s your blind spot.

If you think you know what it is – you’re wrong. The things you know about yourself, your behavior, your impact on others, aren’t blind spots. They’re on your radar. You’re aware of them. Even if you’re not able to change them easily – you know they’re there.

But, blind spots are different.

You can only learn about your blind spot from others.

Their feedback is your mirror. Whether you get feedback in the form of some kind of leadership 360 or in a conversation – it’s a magic mirror that reveals the assessment you are creating in them.

Most leaders assume that feedback is the assessment others are making of them.

But, this is backwards thinking. When other people give you feedback they are showing you the assessment you are creating in them.

You’ll never know unless they tell you.

And they’ll never tell you if you haven’t demonstrated that you welcome, embrace, and cherish feedback. Even feedback that’s hard to hear and that contradicts your self-image. Most people are hesitant to point out your blind spot. They’ll tend to work around your blind spot, compensate for it, and avoid mentioning it unless you ask.

You need to ask more than once.

And then, when you get feedback – take it in. Treat it seriously. Make a public commitment to change. Initiate changes. And check back in – regularly. Make revealing your blind spots a regular part of your leadership agenda.

Unless you understand the assessment you’re creating in others – you’ll spend your career with green stuff stuck in your teeth.

Questions for Reflection & Action:

How do you get feedback from your:

• Customers
• Peers
• Bosses
• Team members
• Family

How satisfied are you with the assessment your creating in your:

• Customers
• Peers
• Bosses
• Team members
• Family

What assessments would you like to change?

Into what?

Recent poll conducted by Pew research and NPR found that people no longer think that the news is just . . . um . . . news. We don’t believe the news reports. We assume that what we’re hearing and reading isn’t simply facts. Rather, we getting heavily seasoned facts. Facts spiced, breaded, and sauced with opinions. And we’re finding it hard to swallow.

Now, news organizations know what they’re doing.

They don’t randomly season the news with left-leaning spices, unless they subscribe to left-leaning opinions. Same on the right. Nobody’s really fair and balanced.

Because they’re not simply doling out facts.

They’re appealing to an audience. They’re cooking up the news to appeal to the taste buds of their patrons. If what they’re presenting doesn’t taste right, you simply turn them off or change the channel.

The news spinners, on the left and on the right, consciously blend facts with opinions to please their readers/listeners palates.

The same thing happens in meetings, everyday.

Someone stands up to make a pitch. He fires up the PowerPoint and begins. In the first few minutes you can sense whether or not you agree with where he’s heading. Because you know he’s heading somewhere. That he’s not simply presenting facts, but building an argument, lobbying for a point of view, and making the case for what he wants.

Nothing wrong with that. After all facts, by themselves, are pretty sterile.

In order for facts to generate action, they need to be interpreted.

Facts need to be evaluated, assessed, interpreted if a decision is to be made. Otherwise it’s just facts. Lying there being factual. And begging the questions . . . “So what? What does this mean? What should we do about it?”

So, facts need to be interpreted in order for decisions to be made or for actions to happen.

But, first the facts need to stand on their own.

This is the problem with most meetings. The facts never get a chance to see the light of day. From the first PowerPoint, the facts are already heavily seasoned with opinion. Which triggers endless arguments and fruitless debates. People think they’re debating facts. But, they’re not. Because the facts are hopelessly intertwined with opinions – on both sides of the argument.

We need to untangle the mess and separate the facts from the opinions if there is any hope of having a constructive dialogue, again.

This is easier said than done.

Because, you and I tend to confuse our own opinions for facts. You’ve spent years refining your opinions about the world. You’ve navigated life based on your assumptions. And you’ve refined those assumptions and opinions into a solidly crafted vision of what’s true. Me too.

So, when I look at the world my experience is already being shaped, colored, and distorted (yes, distorted) by my deeply held beliefs, assumptions, and opinions. And it’s the same for you.

Even when we examine the same data – we’re not really looking at the same data.

I’m looking at Eric-colored data. And you’re looking at your-name-here data. We’re both living in more of a subjective world than we typically care to admit.

But, admitting to subjectivity enhances objectivity.

Insisting that your opinion is objective is a contradiction in terms. Opinions are subjective.

They’re your point of view. Not true. Not false. Just one way of looking at and interpreting the facts.

When you can separate out the facts from your opinions, you’re able to make your case more powerfully.

You can state the facts.

Facts are data that can be confirmed by anyone. No opinions are required. Facts are simple. Obvious. And not up for debate.

Then you can offer your interpretation.

You can explain how you interpret the facts. And why you think the way you do. You can openly share your assumptions – knowing that this is just one way of interpreting the facts (a way that makes sense to you). You can reveal your values, your beliefs, and your opinions without defensiveness or aggression. Because when you know the difference between facts and your own opinions – and make that distinction explicit – it’s easier for others to listen to you.

Separating  facts from opinions makes it easier for me to listen to you.

When you separate the facts from your opinions – you help me separate the facts from my opinions as well.

We can then look at the facts together. And also clearly talk about how we interpret them. The more you are able to clearly and cleanly separate facts from your interpretations – the more others can understand and trust you.

Then, when you start talking, they won’t automatically turn you off or change the channel.

My town, Encinitas, is mentioned in the famous Beach Boy’s song “Surfin’ USA”. Yes, there are many wonderful surf spots along our stretch of the Pacific Ocean: Swami’s, Cardiff Reef, Stone Steps, Bamboos, Beacons, Grand View, to name a few.

When the waves are big, boards break.

Colorful, wildly decorated boards snapped by the surging surf. When these boards are broken open what’s revealed is they all have the foam core. Regardless of their surface design, the boards are the same on the inside.

It’s the same with people.

Deep within, we’re made of the same motivations, emotions, and human concerns. In the day-to-day challenges of work, it’s easy to forget this and over-focus on our surface differences.

The surfaces differences are real.

People do bring different values, perspectives, and agendas to projects and meetings. Team members can reach different (and valid) conclusions about how to solve business issues. Some individuals are comfortable with abstractions. Others like nitty-gritty facts. The differences are real.

But, when you’re interested resolving conflicts, negotiating, reaching agreements, or making collaborative decisions – it’s important to go beyond surfaces and connect to the deeper-than-surface motivators and emotions in others.

To connect with others – below the surface – takes a form of emotional intelligence called empathy.

Empathy is your ability to feel AND understand another’s inner experience.

When you’re being empathetic, you connect with another’s experience at a deeper-than-surface level. To do this you have to be connected to your own deeper-than-surface self.

When your perceptions, insights and understandings are based on your own surface-self perspectives, all you’ll be aware of is the other person’s surface-self. Your surface-self can only connect with their surface-self. Which will highlight your differences.

It’s your deeper-than-surface self that is able to connect with their deeper-that-surface motivations, emotions, and needs.

Fortunately, evolution has wired your nervous system to do just that. You’ve got the neurological hardware to be empathetic. The empathy process is enabled by a part of the brain called the insula.

These empathy-enabling structures have played a very significant role in human evolution. Some scientists suggest that they are among the key neurological elements that have facilitated our unique human evolution.

You’re wired for empathy.

One indication of how important these parts of the brain are is this – they consume 8-10 times more oxygen and glucose than even your major muscles. Here’s how the insula works: When you feel basic emotions, your insula lights up. But, also, when you see others in emotional states, your insula activates. Whether the emotional state is “inside” you or “outside” you – the insula lights up.

It’s as though the insula replicates the inner states of others – by generating interior bodily sensations within you.

The insula allows you to “resonate” with another’s inner experience. The more you’re in touch with your own bodily sensations, the more you’re able to attune to and understand the inner experience of others.

The insula enables you to sense your own bodily states.

When you have a “gut feeling” – that’s your insula in action. Sensing the temperature and texture of the breath in your lungs activates the insula. Noting the sensations in your muscles and joints lights up the insula.

By attending to your own inner bodily sensations you build your “insula-ability”.

You literally thicken the cellular structure that constitutes your insula. You improve the neurological hardware that enables empathy. It’s like building muscles. By strengthening the insula, empathy gets easier. And also more accurate.

A well-developed insula enables you to tune in more deeply and more precisely to others’ inner experience.

This allows you to:

Respond skillfully to others emotions:

Without empathy, your attention is locked onto the surface – what others are doing. And when what they’re doing isn’t working for you, the tendency is to attribute all kinds of negative intentions or qualities to the other person:

“She’s just a difficult person.”

“He’s not capable of collaborating.”

Tune into the emotions of others (without taking them personally):

Instead of taking others emotionality personally, you become aware that the other person has her own struggles. That she’s not just being a difficult person. Rather, that she’s a struggling human. A person who is struggling to adapt to change, navigate through difficult choices, balance conflicting priorities. In short, dealing with emotional challenges just like you.

To be better at empathy, strengthen your insula.

How? By becoming a better student of your own bodily states. Particularly, those inner body sensations, like the texture and temperature of the breath.

When you pay attention to your own inner bodily states the insula lights up.

It’s a simple thing to do – with huge pay-offs for your work and personal life. Who would have thought that simply by regularly attending to your breath and bodily sensations, you could get better at understanding others? But, it’s true. The same neurological hardware is employed to do both tasks.

The simplest and most research-based way to do this is through the regular practice of meditation.

Research shows that meditation dramatically – and positively – thickens the insula. Meditation literally builds your empathy hardware. This means that you can enhance your emotional intelligence with your eyes closed. You can get better at empathy – reading and understanding others – by through mindfully attending to your breath and body.

Empathy is foundational to emotional intelligence.

And emotional intelligence is foundational to leadership. It’s wonderful to discover that you can grow as a leader by meditating. You can improve your ability to resolve conflicts, manage differences, and influence others, by sitting still and mindfully breathing. For just a few minutes each day.

It’s regular practice that provides the best results.

I’m including a simple practice with this post. Click here for a guided practice (that takes 3 minutes) you can download and use daily. If you take time each day to pay attention to your breath and body, the next time you’re in a meeting and the emotional waves surge – you won’t have to break any boards.

You’ll empathetically hang ten, dudes.

“If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?”

– Rumi

Have you every seen a rock tumbler in action?

You throw in a few rough stones and they get tumbled around and around in coarse sand.

Rub, rub, rub the sand chips away at the rough edges.

Then, the coarse sand is replaced with finer sand. And the tumbling begins again. It’s a process of repeated refinement and repetitive tumbling that eventually turns the rough stone into a polished gem.

That’s how Life teaches us.

It starts off bringing us coarse lessons. Because our edges (our learning edges) are rough. We don’t notice the subtle lessons. They go right by. We need something coarse to get our attention.

But, if you pay attention – you’ll be polished. And as you’re polished, your lessons get more refined.

Rumi is reminding you (and all of us) to appreciate the rubs that Life brings.

Don’t push them away or ignore them. Let them in. To take the tumbling to heart. It’s not a punishment.

It’s a process of learning and refinement.

Those irritating people and situations – they’re the sand Life is tumbling you around in.

Why? To smooth the rough edges.

So . . .

Who are the coarse people that are rubbing you the “wrong” way?

What rough edges – in you – are they irritating?

What inner shifts in attitude would convert the irritation into polishing?

My grandmother loved to serve chopped liver on crackers.

I couldn’t stand the stuff.

“This is horrible.” I’d tell her.

“It’s delicious,” she’d respond, popping another cracker into her mouth.

One day she told me, “Eric, in every argument there are four truths. My truth. Your truth. Our truth. And THE truth.”

“If you insist on your truth and I insist on my truth, we’ll never find our truth,” she smiled, “But, I don’t think we’ll ever know THE truth. Particularly about chopped liver.”

Where are you arguing over chopped liver?

Where are you locked in an argument about who’s right?

Where you think an idea, project, decision tastes great – and someone else can’t stand it? (Or vice versa).

Where people are hurling numbers and data at each other. Building  coalitions. Making (endless) presentations.

But, in the end it’s still my truth versus your truth.

To move forward, what’s needed is a shared truth.

Shared truth isn’t THE truth. It’s  agreement from which to engage in mutual action. It’s our truth.

But, you’ll never get there as long as you take your truth for THE truth. (And as long as they’re doing the same.)

It’s easy to confuse your strong  opinions with the facts.

The way the world appears to you is so . . . real. It’s hard not to see things your way.

Even slightly loosening your grip on your truth can feel threatening. As though you’re admitting that you’re wrong. Even that the other party is right. And you don’t want to go there.

It’s not that having strong opinions is wrong.

It’s just that holding onto your truth too tightly shuts down your ability to influence others.

Because, when you cling to your truth – they cling to theirs. When you dig in your heels – they do too.

It’s a stand off.

And then the only way to get things moving is through force. (Which poisons the well, undermines trust, and increases defensiveness  the next time you meet together).

Your influence grows as you hold your position more lightly.

You don’t have to let go of it completely. But, you can hold it more lightly. You can consider your truth to be simply one perspective; one angle on the situation.

The first step is gently separating yourself from your truth.

This takes self-awareness. The self-awareness to realize that you don’t have to identify with one perspective – with your truth. And, the self-awareness to notice what thoughts, emotions, and tensions arise as you loosen your grip on your truth.

Think of detaching from your truth as taking off a favorite pair of sunglasses. You’re not tossing them away. You’re not getting rid of them. You’re just setting them down or slipping them into your pocket.

Your truth is still close by.

It’s there when you need to pick it back up. But, now, having loosened your cognitive grip,  you’re not totally identified with it. And, so you can temporarily adopt alternative views.

Take a breath. Pause. And try on other perspectives. Listen to others and learn what the world looks and feels like for them. Experience their version of the truth. Put on their sunglasses.

This isn’t a magic bullet for getting them to agree with you.

It’s simply a way to inject movement and flexibility into a frozen conversation. Because when one person in the conversation opens up – there’s more openness in the room. When one person in the conversation stops insisting that there’s only one truth – there possibility for new truths to emerge increases.

When you loosen your grip on your truth – at least one person in the conversation is actually listening, learning, and exploring alternative.

And, then when it’s time for you to present your point of view again it will be enriched by what you’ve learned through listening.

And most importantly, the emotional tone behind your position will be softened.

You may still believe in your truth. You’ll likely prefer it. You just won’t mistake it for THE truth. And this small but significant shift in attitude, will make your presentation of your truth much more palatable.

Even if you’re serving chopped liver.

What makes leading change so tough?

There’s not one reason – as leading successful change is anything but simple. But, there is a popular explanation. It’s this – people resist change.

You’ve heard it before. Maybe you’ve even said it yourself. Take a few seconds and consider what you believe that people resist change.

Your beliefs affect your ability to lead.

And, this notion that people resist change is such a common belief that many leaders take it to be a fact. Yet, it’s not true.

It’s comforting to assume that people resist change.

Then, when people don’t embrace the change you’re leading, there’s a ready-made explanation; an explanation that anchors all of the challenges leaders face in human nature.

The upside of this explanation is that it let’s everyone off the hook. Resistance is inevitable, according to this belief. And there’s precious little leaders can do about it.

The downside of this belief is that  . . . well . . . you’re left right where you started. Not very useful. Are you ready for a new approach? It starts with a simple idea:

It’s not inevitable or even natural for people to resist change.

People change all the time. Human beings are wired to change. We’ve been changing for millions of years. In fact, the impulse to change, evolve, adapt and the motivation to improve are wired into our brains and bodies.

We are more naturally oriented to adapt than resist.

People are wired to adapt, to change. That’s what’s made our species so successful. And, this process of adaptation can proceed quickly or slowly.

When the conditions for change are right – people adapt in a heartbeat. Then, the change process is resistance-free. You’re happy. They’re happy. The results are positive.

But, when the conditions aren’t quite right – people struggle to adapt.

Their struggle slows things down. The schedule slips. The costs increase. Customers complain. It’s not pretty.

But, that doesn’t mean they’re resistant.

Labeling people’s struggle to adapt as resistance blinds you to what you can actually do to create the conditions that promote resistance-free change. When you see what’s happening as resistance, you want to make it go away.

But, if at the same time you believe that resistance is inherent in human nature – you’ve placed yourself in a double-bind that causes you to act in ways that actually exacerbate the struggle – and continue to frustrate you.

Trying to make resistance go away doesn’t create the conditions that promote rapid adaptation. Which is what you want. So, the first step towards leading change is making a small mental shift.

Here’s the shift:

When people appear to be resisting change – what they are actually doing is struggling to adapt to the change.

Don’t rush past this idea. Even if it doesn’t make sense right away or if you find it hard to accept, just give yourself some time to explore it.

When people appear to be resisting change, they’re struggling with reorganizing their sense of:

• Who they are
• What they do
• How they need to work with others
• And more.

They’re trying to adapt to what the change requires of them – and it’s more than meets the eye (or that shows up in the typical project plan).

People need help adapting to all that change requires.

They seldom get it in the way most change efforts are constructed. And so they struggle. It’s not fun for them, you, or the organization. Because, when people are struggling, they’re not at their best. They act in ways that seem . . . well . . . resistant. And it’s frustrating.

But, when you mistake the signs of struggle for “resistance” – you’re not able to skillfully address the conditions that perpetuate the struggle. And unless you can address those conditions, the struggling will perpetuate.

Try this mental exercise:

Step 1. Think about someone or some group that you have considered resistant. Picture them. And say to yourself, “Boy, are they resistant!”

• Notice how you feel.
• What you think.
• And how they appear to you.

If you’re similar to others who have done this process, it doesn’t take long before you’re feeling irritated, anxious, hopeless, or some combination of these difficult emotions. And thoughts may be running through your mind such as, “What is wrong with them? Why can’t they just get with the program?”

Okay, enough self-inflicted suffering. Now, try something different by making a small mental shift.

Step 2. Picture the same person. But, now realize (make this mental shift) that while they appear to be resisting change – what they’re actually doing is struggling to adapt to the change.

• Look at them with this mind shift. See them as struggling to adapt.
• What’s it like to adopt this perspective?
• How does it change your experience?

How have your emotions changed? What about your thoughts? Most people report that instead of being angry they’re interested in figuring out how to help the other person move efficiently through the struggle.

This is just a small mental shift. But, subtle shifts in thought and perspective can open up whole new realms of action. And this shift, is key to leading resistance-free change.

• What do you believe about resistance to change?
• What mental shifts have made it easier for you to lead change?

(This article is adapted from the book Leading Resistance-Free Change)

Where are you holding back from being fully engaged?

(Sometimes we pay so much attention to what we think is stopping us – that we ignore the simple things we can do to move forward.)

What’s a simple (but powerful) step you can take to become more engaged?

Not all silences are the same.
Silence is a form of communicating. And different silences have different meanings. In order to get the conversation going again, you have to discern the subtext – the message & meaning hidden in the silence.

Here are 8 flavors of silence that I have encountered in over 25 years of facilitating and attending meetings along with their subtext and the actions you can take.

Silence #1: I don’t agree. But, I’m afraid to tell you.
Subtext: When there’s an obvious power imbalance in the conversation, this is a common meaning of silence. You’re the boss and they may be afraid to push against your authority. So, even though they disagree – they’re staying quiet.

Your Action: Make yourself vulnerable. Make it clear that what you’re proposing is a first draft. Ask people to point out what’s missing, what’s off base, what’s flawed in your thinking. And when they do – thank them and ask follow up questions to learn more about their ideas. Do not defend your position.

Silence #2: I have another idea – but doubt you’ll listen.
Subtext: Again, if you have authority and have presented your position with a lot of enthusiasm and zeal, the other person may hesitate to offer an alternative view as they think you’re mind is made up.

Your Action: Be honest about whether you’re open to ideas or not. You may be willing to modify your thinking. Be clear about what’s non-negotiable. Then, ask for feedback. When you get it, ask clarifying questions such as: “How does what you’re suggesting fit with what I proposed?” Don’t launch into a rehash of your presentation.

Silence #3: I have no idea what you’re talking about – but don’t want to offend you by asking a question.
Subtext: Even when you try to be clear – you may be confusing. The other person may have heard the words you said – but can’t figure out what you’re trying to communicate. They don’t want to say that you’re making no sense. But, that’s their experience.

Your Action: If they’re looking dazed and confused – take responsibility. Say: “I don’t think I’ve been clear. What, if anything, have I communicated?” Find out what they think you’re talking about. If they’re not getting it – it’s your responsibility, You’re the communicator. Re-focus yourself and simplify your message. Boil your position down to 1-3 key ideas.

Silence #4: I’m too upset to even talk. I need some time to cool down and gather myself together.
Subtext: Something in what you said has pushed a hot button. The person is upset and rather then react, is choosing to contain their emotions. They’re not saying anything, but their body language is likely screaming – flushed face, clenched jaw, narrowing eyes.

Your Action: Keep breathing. Breathe full, slow breaths. Modulate your own physiology so you don’t shift into the fight or flight response. Take one or two full, slow breaths. This will only take about 15 seconds. Then, say: “I think something I’ve said really doesn’t work for you. Am I right?” Then, stay relaxed and listen if they rant and rave a bit.

Silence #5: I haven’t really been listening. And, I’m not really interested enough to ask you to go over it again.
Subtext: This is kind of the opposite of #4. You’re off target. You haven’t hit a hot button. You haven’t even connected. They’re not engaged.

Your Action: Like #4, it’s important to keep breathing. This isn’t the time to push your case. Shift gears, if appropriate to focus on what matters to them. As they reveal their goals you may find a way to reconnect back to your point of view.

Silence #6: I’m ready to pounce – but don’t want to be the first to attack.
Subtext: This happens in meetings. The silence is a prelude to the attack. People are waiting for someone else to draw blood. Then, they’ll eagerly jump into the fray and point to all the flaws in your position.

Your Action: This is a tough situation. Some individuals and teams haven’t learned the difference between being aggressive and being assertive. For them, every communication is a contest. Your challenge is to stay centered. To focus on the core of your message and to go past their attacks to identify the useful ideas they offer.

Silence #7: I’ve got an unformed concern – and can’t quite put it into words.
Subtext: Sometimes people have a hard time articulating what bothers them. Something’s not fitting but they can’t say what. They’ve got an uneasy feeling about what your suggesting, but don’t exactly know why.

Your Action: When you see them struggling, lend a hand. Consider your ideas from their point of view. What might make them uncomfortable? What might they object to? What might be threatening? Then, say: “If I were you, I might be concerned about . . .  Do I have that right?” Help them get their objections on the table and then work collaboratively to address them.

Silence #8 I’m thinking. What seems like silence to you is actually filled with thinking for me.
Subtext: People have their own thinking/speaking rhythm. Some take more processing time before they’re ready to speak.

Your Action: Follow their rhythm. Adjust your pace. Express appreciation that they’ve taken time to reflect and seriously consider what you’ve said.

At one point, the truck, laden with 3 tons of rock, got stuck in the loose dirt around the excavated site. I didn’t know if we were going to make it out. The back wheels were spinning, throwing up clouds of dust.

Sometimes problem solving is like that.
You’ve got a heavy problem. You want to move forward. But, all your efforts just seem to be spinning your mental wheels. When you’re spinning your mind without making progress, it’s frustrating.

Your mind starts to kick up a lot of emotional dust.
Feelings of frustration, doubt, anger, overwhelm can cloud your thinking. Spending more time and energy in the same pattern – won’t help. It will just burn you out.

So, how can you proceed?
There are two directions to follow when you’re trying to get out of a mental rut: up and down. Psychologists and cognitive scientists call this mental process “chunking” – as in chunk up or chunk down.

What is chunking up?
It’s stepping back, taking a broader perspective, and considering how the problem fits into a bigger picture.

When you chunk up, you’re expanding the horizon of your awareness.
Instead of looking at the tree, you’re taking in the forest. This is an important move to make when you find yourself spinning mentally and emotionally. Chunking up allows you to step back and consider how the challenge you’re facing is part of a larger pattern.

Here’s an example: Edward Deming, the father of the quality movement, famously emphasized that 96% of problems were the result of systemic imbalances not individual misbehavior.

By shifting attention from the action of the individual to the impact of the system – Deming was encouraging leaders to chunk up their problem analysis.
Rather than consider the individual’s actions as the source of the problem, Deming chunked up and focused on how system design governs and drives individual action.

When a nurse gives a patient the wrong medicine, where does the organization and the nurse’s leader focus?
On the nurse? On the system? Deming says to start with the system rather than assume individual negligence or incompetence. By tuning up the bigger chunk (the system) the smaller chunk (the individual behavior) will improve.

So, how do you chunk up?
Chunk up asking questions that expand the horizon of awareness.
Here are some chunking up questions to ask when you want to stop spinning your own wheels:

• What am I really trying to accomplish here?
• What makes this problem so important to me?
• What’s the pattern here – how is this problem an example of something that occurs regularly?

If you’re leading a team and people spinning their wheels and kicking up dust, here are some chunking up questions to ask:

• Let’s look at the bigger picture…
• How does that relate to our mission/vision/purpose?
• What are we trying to achieve here?
• Who is this for? What do they really want?
• What’s the pattern here – how is this problem an example of something that occurs regularly?

Another way to get un-stuck is to chunk down.
Chunking down is about becoming more specific, drilling down into the details, and breaking the problem down into smaller, more discrete pieces (or chunks).

In the book The Talent Code, author Dan Coyle describes how chunking problems down into bite-sized pieces allows musicians, athletes, scientists, and teachers to master really difficult and complex skills.

Chunking down works best when the overarching goal or purpose of the problem is clear.
Once you know why you care about solving the problem (which happens when you chunk up), then you can start to break it down into discrete pieces. And to work on mastering those smaller chunks step-by-step.

Continuing the example of the nurse and the medicine: chunking down would mean examing of all the steps/actions/decisions that go into “giving the right medication”. Each discrete element in the process would need to be identified, refined, and mastered. Then, the sum of those small chunks can integrate into a coherent pattern of competence.

Here are some questions to chunk-down a problem you are struggling with:

• What specifically did I do?
• What were the steps in my process?
• How can I break my behavior/thinking down into smaller chunks?
• What’s one aspect of this whole thing that I can start to improve?
• What’s the smallest action I can take that would move this forward?

Of course, chunking is a relative process.
You can chunk up or down from any problem.
It’s like a set of those Russian dolls that nest one inside the other. Each doll (other than the smallest and the largest) is both big and little – relative to another doll.

That is, each doll is a “chunk up” (bigger) relative to other dolls. And also a “chunk down” (smaller) relative to others.

It’s the same with the problem you’re dealing with.
Your problem is part of a bigger system. It’s a symptom of some larger imbalance; the outcome of a more encompassing pattern. It’s a small chunk inside a bigger context.

But, your problem also contains, within it, smaller sub-issues. It’s a system itself with discrete sub-components that may need attention. It’s a doll with other smaller dolls (issues) nested inside.

So, for any problem it’s helpful to both chunk up and chunk down.
Here’s how:

• Start by chunking up to define the larger context and reasons why the problem needs to be addressed.
• Define the issue at a high level (chunk up)
• Then chunk down to identify project goals, milestones, or bench marks.
• As you move through time – keep chunking back up to make sure that what you’re doing is aligned with your purpose and the larger context.
• Chunk up to find problems in the bigger system that need attention.
• Chunk down to refine your specific actions, time line, deliverables.

Some people like to chunk up and dwell in the big picture.
Others prefer to chunk down and get into the nitty-gritty. Both – up and down – are needed if you’re going to solve problems so they stay solved.

Otherwise you’ll just end up spinning your wheels, polluting the atmosphere with dirt and dust, and never get those rocks off your truck.

Questions for Reflection & Action:

1. What is a problem that you keep running into?
2. Chunk it up:
   • How is this problem a symptom of a larger pattern or systemic imbalance?
   • How does resolving this problem support your larger purpose or vision?
3. Chunk it down:
   • What’s the smallest action that you can take to start to improve this situation?
   • What is one thing you can do today to address the problem?

Deborah and I had just enjoyed a lovely meal when the waiter sidled up to the table with the dessert menu. We looked at the offerings and agreed that we both wanted and didn’t want to order dessert.

When it comes to leadership, most organizations (people) are the same way: we want and don’t want leadership.

We’re ambivalent about leadership.
We like it when people exercise leadership in ways that are inspiring and bring out our best qualities. We like leadership that generates breakthrough results without requiring us to break a sweat.

But we don’t want leadership if it causes discomfort, confusion, or sore muscles (mentally and emotionally). We don’t want to have to go through a lot of messy transformation on our way to breakthrough results.

This ambivalence makes exercising leadership a real challenge.
Because the people you work with both want and don’t want you to exercise leadership. Essentially, they want you to resolve their struggles without any . . . well . . . struggle. And that is rarely possible.

So, when you take leadership action – you’ll be met with an ambivalent response.
In some ways, your leadership is longed for and welcomed. In other ways, it’s the last thing anyone really wants from you.

This is ambivalence applies to your boss, your peers, and your direct reports.
And it makes the practice of leadership tricky. Marty Linsky, of Harvard’s Kennedy School,  captures this trickiness perfectly in his phrase: “Leadership is disappointing people at a rate they can absorb.”

Facing this ambivalence can trigger your own doubts and hesitancy about exercising leadership.
Better, it seems, to rely on your authority – the power that comes with your job description. At least, when you wield your designated authority, no one can say you’re not doing your job. Because, that’s exactly what you will be doing when you act within those well-defined bounds.

It’s when you step over the line of your sanctioned authority that you enter into the ambivalent world of leadership.
That’s when people can say, with some justification,

• “Who does he think he is?”
• “That’s not her job!”
• “We don’t have to listen to her.”

When people sense that you’re acting outside the bounds of your sanctioned authority – they’re ambivalent.
A part of them is relieved and thankful that at last someone is speaking the truth. While another part of them is irritated and anxious about dealing with issues that have been unspoken, even taboo, for so long.

When people in your organization call out to you for leadership – be aware.
They do want leadership. And they don’t. For a lot of reasons: their plate is full; they’re busy and overwhelmed. And they’re comfortable in their current state – no matter how miserable that comfort may appear.

All this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t lead.
It just means that you need a strong sense of purpose to guide you. A purpose that can keep you company as you encounter the inevitable ups and downs that will occur as you experience the organization’s ambivalence to leadership.

This purpose is at once deeply personal and organizationally relevant.
It can’t simply be an idea that’s logical. Logical arguments rarely have the power to withstand organizational ambivalence. (This is not to say that you must abandon logic. No. You must simple augment the logic of your position with a deeply felt sense of values and purpose.)

The more intimately you can fuse your own sense of values with the idea your proposing – the more you will be able to weather the storm of ambivalence.

Are you ready to wade it? Here are some questions to get started:

• What is an issue that you believe needs attention and is currently being neglected?
• What is a conversation that you believe needs to happen but which is currently being avoided?
• What is an idea that you believe needs to be championed but is currently without powerful sponsorship?

Your answers to these questions is your invitation to exercise leadership.
But, don’t dive right in. Recognize that you will be welcomed and resisted. Embraced and argued with. It’s inevitable.

So, take it slowly. Because while what you’re  offering the organization may, from your perspective, look as tempting and tasty as  wonderful dessert. People can only absorb it a spoonful at a time.