How to fire a friend

Todd, a city manager came to talk with me last week. The economic downturn is hurting his city – sales taxes are way down and so he needs to trim the budget.
Todd figured that he could let go six young employees or one director to get the financial savings he needed. But, in terms of delivering services to the community – the director was less critical.
The business decision was straightforward.

But, there was more to the conversation than numbers.
The human impact of this decision was complex. Todd knew that the layoff would come as a severe blow. A shocking, world shattering blow.
The director that Todd was laying off had been part of the community for many years.
Todd genuinely liked the guy and respected him professionally.

He cared about the director as a person and wanted to communicate that care.
“I know how to fire someone. How to deliver the bad news in a business-like manner but that’s not enough in this case.” Todd explained.
He was agonizing over how to conduct the conversation in a way that would fulfill his business objectives and reflect his values of care and respect.

He wanted to be both a competent city manager and a caring human being.
But, when the business issues and the personal issues are deeply intertwined – it’s more difficult to communicate clearly.
The hard business message can get muddied by the soft personal emotions. Or the soft personal message can get distorted by the hard business analysis.

Todd wanted to communicate both. But, he wasn’t sure how.

What works well is to disentangle the two:

To clarify the business message so it’s simple, direct, and unambiguous.
To clarify the personal message so it’s simple, heart-felt, and authentic.

Keeping the two messages separate makes them both focused and easier to understand.

During the meeting follow this sequence:

1) Deliver the business message first.
Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t soft pedal. Just lay out the facts and your decision.
In a case like Todd’s – there will be an emotional reaction. It hurts to get laid off. Some people will express their emotions by clamming up. Others by bursting open – with anger or tears.

2) Acknowledge their emotions.
Expect emotions. And let them be.
Acknowledge their emotions – sadness, shock, anger, confusion etc.
And acknowledge that this is a hard conversation.

3) Acknowledge your emotions – share your simple, heart-felt, authentic personal message.
Don’t let your emotions expand or embellish your message. Keep it simple.

4) Explain the next steps.
Now, you’re back to business, clarifying what you want the other person to do to move the process forward.

The high emotional stakes of this layoff conversation highlights a core leadership challenge:
How to successfully fulfill your business obligations while being true to your core values.

On our greatest workdays there’s no conflict between doing what it takes to be successful and being true to your deepest values. It’s a great feeling to have that alignment.

On other days, there can be more tension between what’s personal and what’s professional. There can even be conflict between being true to yourself and the requirements of the job.

On the most challenging days, this conflict puts your soul in the balance.

That’s why it’s useful to consider both the professional and the personal when facing difficult conversations.

What’s a conversation that you need to have where business issues and personal values need to be sorted out and clarified?

What’s a conversation that you need to have – where you want to communicate a hard business message and a soft personal message?

1) What’s the business message you want to communicate?

Make it simple, direct, unambiguous.

2) What’s the personal message you want to communicate?

Make it simple, heart-felt, and authentic.
Once you do, you’ll know exactly what you need to communicate.