My stock portfolio is suffering from a serious case of meltdown.
Yours too, no doubt.
Then, last week I received more bad news. A considerable sum appears to be gone with the wind.
I was bummed. Really bummed.
I was stunned. And angry with myself.
How could I have let this happen?
Why was I such an idiot?
I knew enough to get some exercise.
Swimming always clears my mind.
So, fifty laps later, I’m sitting in the lobby of the YMCA waiting for Deborah to come out of the women’s locker room.
A few feet away, leaning against the wall, is a large cardboard thermometer announcing the latest fund raising effort. The bottom section of the thermometer is colored red indicating that almost $20,000 has been raised so far.
This gets me thinking about money again.
And my bad judgment. And what a dummy I am.
Just then, a five year old girl and her mother enter the YMCA.
The little girl sees the cardboard thermometer. She runs over and presses her back to it. She stands up tall and calls to her mother, “How much am I? How much am I?”
The little girl has mistaken the fundraising thermometer for a giant ruler.
Her mother says, “That doesn’t measure how tall you are. It measures money.”
The little girl looks confused for a second and then asks,
“How much money am I? Am I a lot of money?”
“I guess you’re about $40,000.00,” says her mother.
The little girl smiles and skips away.
How much money am I? An interesting question.
From one perspective, it makes no sense.
I’m not measured in money.
And yet, that’s how I was feeling.
The loss of my net-worth emotionally equated to a loss of self-worth.
My self-worth and my net-worth had become confused.
I was like the little girl. Mistaking my stature (my value) for my portfolio.
And when I identify my self with things such as a bank balance, title, position, achievements, or possessions – the clarity of my judgment is obscured.
I make bad decisions when I confuse who I am for what I own.
I will tend to substitute prestige and power for personal development. And focus more on acquiring things than deepening relationships.
The confusion of self-worth with net-worth leads to the very kinds of decisions that produced the current financial crisis.
It’s easy to see that no one really needs 18 billion dollar bonuses.
What’s sometimes less easy to see is how those same mistaken beliefs – about self and money – have infiltrated our own souls.
The little girl and the cardboard thermometer reminded me of how deeply I had adopted the cultural misconception that merged my identity with my money.
The little girl reminded me that:
• I have a bank account. I am not my bank account.
• I have a degree. I am not that degree.
• I have a car. I am not a car.
• Etc.
Remembering these truths doesn’t mean I’m glad to have lost the money.
I’m not.
But, what the little girl and the thermometer taught me (again) was not to mistake who I am for what I have. Or what I do.
So, who am I?
It’s one of the BIG questions.
I don’t have an answer. I doubt anyone can give me one.
But, I believe the advice of the Zen master who said, “Do not seek the truth; simply cease cherishing illusions.”
Rather than look for the answer I need to look at the ways in which I’ve mistaken who I am for some thing, activity, image, or achievement.
What about you?
Are there ways in which you’ve confused who you are with what you do, have, think, or believe?
Maybe it’s time we all start to let go – to liberate the sense of self from those thoughts, beliefs, and assumptions that are causing suffering.
For me. For you. For the world.
Perhaps, one of the gifts of this current financial meltdown will be that we cease to cherish some of the self-destructive illusions that created the situation in the first place.
I’m glad I was in the lobby of the YMCA so a little girl and a cardboard thermometer could remind me to let go of one of my illusions.
Questions for reflection & action:
1. What “things” are you identified with?
2. What would happen if you stopped identifying with them?
3. When have you gained a truer sense of who you are through losing something you didn’t want to let go of?
4. What is a cherished illusion of yours that is causing suffering?
5. How can you begin to let it go?
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8 responses so far ↓
1 How do you measure success? | The Great Work Blog // Feb 10, 2009 at 10:42 am
[...] You can read the rest of the article – and some thought provoking questions – here. [...]
2 Bob Beverley // Feb 10, 2009 at 4:03 pm
Dear Eric;
I like your use of the word “infiltrated.” The linking of money and self-worth is a matter of infiltration, given the vast and varied money perfume messages coming our way. These messages soak in deeply–as does fear, the major reason why I think we can feel so bad around money. After all, we need it and the fear of not having enough of it is a wordless darkness that can haunt our days.
Peace,
Bob
3 Eric // Feb 10, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Thanks for the Twittering – Michael. And for your Great Work.
Bob -
Wow. We’re having a metaphor festival here:
infiltrate, perfume, soak in, darkness, haunt.
The power of these metaphors is that they can connect us our bodily/lived experience of money. And when we meet our experience directly – we can transform it.
4 Manjiri // Feb 11, 2009 at 4:38 am
I think this concern especially around money and big bonuses will remain only until the depression / recession lifts. Once that happens it will again be ‘business as usual’, my car is bigger than you, my yatch is faster than yours, mega bucks, mega egos…. and that is really because businesses revolve around the central theme of profit and profit alone. Morals, values, social repercussions are of no consequence … as long as the bush fires are in Australia and not in my backyard, I can turn my face the other way…. Great Work should be about all of this, social responsibility, moral values, shouldering partnerships across sectors and then after that, profit. GREAT WORK to me will be when individual accountability includes social and moral accountability; when long term consequences are not overlooked for short term gain either individual’s or organization’s or a country’s gain…..
5 How Do You Measure Success? « A Perfect Life Now // Feb 11, 2009 at 3:09 pm
[...] The confusion of self-worth with net-worth leads to the very kinds of decisions that produced the current financial crisis…. (more) [...]
6 Steve Epstein // Feb 13, 2009 at 7:04 am
Eric,
A profound succinct essay that works well in this particular here and now AND should be remembered when things are going well.
I am sending this along.
Steve O (bama)
7 Dick Sclove // Feb 14, 2009 at 11:03 am
Hi Eric,
Losing money in the downturn (Depression?) has not been fun, but may well have been constructive for me. It certainly provokes reflection and reordering of priorities, and it’s gotten me off my duff in several ways. Including in ways that force me to confront on more fronts the challenge of integrating inner life with outer.
Today I resonate especially with your 3rd question — although not in relationship to money: “. When have you gained a truer sense of who you are through losing something you didn’t want to let go of?”
Like many of us I was wounded in various ways in childhood. And I’ve found in psychotherapy that unconsciously I cling to some of those wounds as a strategy for staying in touch with people and relationships that I lost when I was young. Because the clinging continues, I can’t yet answer your question in this case. But, yes, it seems highly likely that I will know myself better and become more free if and when I’m able to let go of those wounds (dontchathink?)
Hugs,
Dick
8 Don Boyd // Jul 1, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Eric,
What strikes me about your story is our tendency to attach our self to any external outcome. Like you, I recently lost some money in investments. The year they did well (on paper) I thought I was smart. When I recently discovered that the company I had invested in was being investigated by the FBI and had closed its doors and my investment had vaporized, I didn’t feel so smart. Dumb, smart, how much am I? I am still watching my response and striving to be like the Zen monk who, when confronted by the famous sword-wielding bandit who said, “Don’t your realize who I am . . . I could run you through without batting an eye!”, responded with, “Don’t you realize who I am, a man that could be run through without batting an eye.”
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