Big Bad Scary Dudes
by Eric Klein
When my friend, Frank hit his midlife crisis, he took a unique approach. No red sports car. No divorce. Instead, Frank left his corporate job, hung up his suit and became a sheriff. Shiny badge, gun, dangling handcuffs. The works.
After graduating from the Academy, like all rookies, Frank took a two-year stint as a prison guard. It was a tough assignment that month by month weighed heavily on Frank's spirit.
Once as a new inmate was being admitted, Frank looked up at the inmate's shaved head gleamed, bulging biceps decorated with exotic tatoos, the scowl that seemed to permanently broadcast, "Make my day." Something inside Frank exclaimed, "That is one Big, Bad, Scary Dude!"
Anytime he saw the Big Bad Scary Dude (BBSD), the hairs on the back of Frank's neck would rise. He could feel his heart pound and his palms sweat. Sometimes at night, driving home alone in his car, Frank would imagine the BBSD waiting for him in the garage. Gripping the steering wheel, his heart would pound.
Most of us have a BBSD at work. Your BBSD could be male or female. Your BBSD is a person that you hold as threatening and dangerous. Your BBSD may actually be a tough character, but (and this is a hard point to get) you are in charge of whether they threaten and paralyze you. Consider this - you have arguments with your BBSD even when you are alone in your car. When we look honestly, we see that our experience of fear is self-generated.
I knew Frank from yoga classes. But, since joining the sheriff department he hadn't gotten to yoga much.
It was a Tuesday afternoon. He was standing guard while the inmates worked out in the yard. "The longer I watched, the more my back hurt." Frank recounted, "I thought, 'A yoga pose would feel really good about now'. And then I thought, 'Don't even go there.'".
Nonetheless, Frank found his body edging into a yoga posture. Shifting his weight and stretching slowly, he felt the tension in his back release.
At that moment, a voice boomed from across the yard. "Triangle Pose!!" Frank snapped to attention. Who could be calling out the name of a yoga posture in a prison yard? Looking up, Frank saw the BBSD, smiling and stretching in the triangle pose. As their eyes met, the BBSD stood, brought his palms together and bowed to Frank.
"At that moment," Frank remembered, "The bars in my mind dissolved away. I saw the soul inside the person I had called Big, Bad, and Scary."
To free yourself from the self-imposed prison of a BBSD - to dissolve the bars in your mind - try experimenting with these three steps:
- Recognize your opinion about the BBSD as just an opinion.
- Let go of being right.
- Initiate positive action to build a cooperative working partnership.
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