The key to change is to build momentum – in a new direction.

The old pattern is propelled by momentum.

The new behavior needs momentum. But, it has none. So, you need to build this momentum – basically from scratch.

And building momentum takes three things:
1.    Motivation.
2.    Know-how.
3.    Practice.

New momentum starts with motivation.
You have to be motivated to change. You’ve got to want it.
Not just think it’s a nice idea. But, really want it.

How do you increase your motivation?
There are two ways.
One is to create a compelling sense of what it will be like to fully adopt the new behavior.
Ask yourself –
“If I fully adopt this new behavior:

• Where will I end up?
• What kind of experiences will I have?
• How will others respond to me?
• How will I feel about myself?”

The other is to reflect on the consequences of letting the momentum of your past habits continue to push you along the same old path.
Ask yourself –
“If I keep doing this old habit behavior:

• Where will I end up?
• What kind of experiences will I have?
• How will others respond to me?
• How will I feel about myself?”

Same questions. Different focus.
Some people prefer one focus over the other. I’m recommending you use both.
Get excited about the change you want. And get clear about what it will mean to continue your old habits.

Reflect on the implications of your behavior .
Whether you change or stay with the old momentum has massive implications for you, your family, your colleagues, your life. Get motivated to change.

Along with motivation you need know-how.
Motivation gets your attention.
Now, you need know-how. Methods. Techniques. The nuts-and-bolts of how to do what you want.

If you want to be a better listener – you need know-how.
If you want to coach your team – you need know-how.
If you want to bake a lemon meringue pie – you need know-how.

Because, no matter what you want to do differently – you need to know-how in order to do it.

How do you get know-how?
Get a coach. A mentor.
Find someone who is great at the behavior you want – and learn from them.
Read a book. Go to a class.
Get a clear and compelling understanding of what you want to be able to do differently.
Once you have know-how, you’re ready for the most important part of the change process.

You need to practice.
What do I mean by practice?
I mean to deliberately take time everyday to exercise the new behavior.
If the behavior is listening – take time every day to practice listening (i.e. do the behavior).

It’s the same with any kind of learning. It takes conscious, deliberate practice. Nothing substitutes for consciously doing the new behavior.

Practice means not planning on doing the new behavior all day – all the time.

That’s just too much. It won’t happen. Just designate short, specific, practice times.
So, if the new behavior is to listen more than you speak, don’t imagine you’ll be doing this all day. You won’t. The old momentum (talking more than you listen) still has some force behind it.

Just carve out short, specific periods of time for engaging in the new pattern.
Be intentional. Listen (or do your chosen new behavior) for a few moments several times throughout the day. Practice the new behavior.

By consciously practicing the new behavior on a daily basis – you will build momentum in a new direction.

It will take, normally, a couple of months to build the new momentum. As you do, the energy that had been driving the old habit will naturally diminish.
And soon, you’ll find that what once required conscious, deliberate practice, is now a new (and more constructive) pattern of behavior.

And you won’t be dropping your cap on the floor anymore.

Questions for Reflection & Action
•    What is a pattern of behavior you want to change?
•    What are the consequences of continuing with this pattern?
•    What is the new pattern you want to master?
•    Who do you know that is skilled in this behavior?
•    When can you talk with them – and learn from them?
•    How can you establish a deliberate schedule for practicing the new behavior?

Related posts:

1. The Secret to Behavior Change – Part 1