My right ear is plugged up with seawater – a consequence of being tossed and tumbled while bodysurfing the other day. So, I’m a bit hard of hearing, right now.

When other people are talking, I can miss what they’re saying unless I turn and face them directly. Of course, paying direct attention to people who are talking to you is a good idea – whether your ears are waterlogged or not. And, turning away from them is . . . well, the antithesis of good listening. We’re taught this as kids.

But, we don’t often don’t take listening principle far enough.
We focus on becoming better at listening to others. But, don’t develop our capacity to listen to ourselves – to the thoughts, emotions, and reactions that arise in our hearts and minds.
When you don’t listen to yourself – you’re missing out on vital information.

What does it mean to listen to yourself?
It’s not just listening to your thoughts. That’s relatively easy to do. You were trained in school to focus on thoughts.
Listening to yourself includes listening to your emotions and body. Because there are three channels streaming or playing simultaneously inside you. One channel plays thoughts. The other plays emotions. And the third streams out bodily reactions.

Each of these channels plays from a different part of your brain.
Thoughts play from the “New Brain” channel or neo cortex.
Emotions play from the “Middle Brain” channel, also called the mammalian or limbic brain.
Bodily reactions play from the “Old Brain” channel, sometimes called the reptilian brain. This is the oldest part of the brain. It doesn’t stream words or emotions. It just plays bodily reactions. These reactions – strongly, strongly influence the other two channels.

Being a good listener means attending to all three of these channels.
Why?
Because they all affect what you do. Your effectiveness – in communication, decision-making, and leadership – is based on how clearly you are able to listen to these three channels. Whether you’re listening or not – all three channels are shaping your effectiveness.

All three channels are playing at the same time.
What you think influences your emotions. And vice versa. Your bodily reactions strongly influence the other two channels, as well.

Your “opinion” about any critical issue isn’t a simple rational judgment.
It’s not just a well thought out conclusion that comes from the operation of your New Brain. What you “think” is heavily shaped by your emotions, which, in turn, are profoundly governed by your bodily reactions.

Over the past decade, there is a growing recognition that emotions play a key role in leadership effectiveness.
The research on emotional intelligence has convinced the New Brain that there is validity to the information that comes from the mammalian – or emotional – brain. Leaders are starting to accept the fact that there’s more involved in effective leadership and teamwork than simply exercising the New Brain.

But, the oldest, and in many ways, most powerful channel is still largely ignored.
That’s the Old Brain. This channel is totally non-verbal. It’s not even emotional. It just works through your bodily reactions. It’s the source of your most trustworthy   and your most out-of-proportion “gut reactions.” It’s the part of you that “senses” the character of another person; that “knows” instinctively when a conversation or a deal is going well or off the rails. It’s also the part of you that can totally over react to a causal comment as though it were a matter of life or death.

There’s no middle ground when it comes to the Old Brain.
That’s part of its power. And its danger. The Old Brain simplifies life. It’s either yes or no. Black or white. No gray area.
And once the Old Brain locks onto a direction, it takes a lot of intensity to redirect it.

The Old Brain is the origin of the most intractable organizational problems.
You know those on-going organizational dramas and seemingly never-ending power struggles? They’re governed by the Old Brain. That’s what makes these situations so persistent. And intractable. The Old Brain doesn’t care about timelines or budgets. It’s been around for millions of years and will be here for a million more. When the schedule slips a week or two – it hardly notices.

This is why it’s essential that you become a better self-listener.
Because, if you’ve been frustrated by an on-going organizational power struggle – you’re facing an Old Brain problem.
Your Old Brain and the Old Brain of the people you’re struggling with have been activated.

Logic, on its own, isn’t going to change things.
That’s just the New Brain going blah, blah, blah, as far as your Old Brain is concerned. Face it – if logical arguments were going to carry the day – they would have already worked. (And replaying them is just going to make you and everyone else more frustrated.)
You’re not going to be able to influence their Old Brain until you can work with the Old Brain inside of you. That’s why you need to start listening to your Old Brain.

How do you listen to the Old Brain?
By paying attention to your body. Paying attention means bringing awareness you’re your body. (Not thinking about your body. Sensing it.)
Notice where in your body tension collects after a tough meeting. Is there a knot in your belly? A cramp in your shoulders? Pounding in your head?
Be aware of the place in your body where the tension is most obvious.

Bring awareness to that place in your body – and instead of thinking about the meeting – just sense that place of tension.
This is a really important first step. Just sensing the tension – without flipping off into your thoughts about the meeting, the other people, or yourself. That’s changing channels from the Old Brain and tuning into the thoughts (New Brain) and emotions (Middle Brain).

Stay with the bodily experience of the Old Brain. And as you do, begin to breathe deeply. Sense that you’re breathing into that place of tension. Infuse that part of your body with fresh air. Do this for 60 seconds and notice what happens.

The idea isn’t to “fix” anything.
Rather, the move is to develop your sensitivity and connection to the reactions and sensations – the messages – that come from your Old Brain. And to breathe in a comfortable and easy rhythm  while being aware of your body. The Old Brain doesn’t’ understand words. And definitely not PowerPoints. It understands breathing.

This may sound very touchy-feely.
And it is. Your Old Brain is all about touchy and feely. It’s based in bodily reactions.  You can’t get more touchy-feely than that.
Granted that dealing with the non-verbal, a-rational, primitive bodily reactions is confusing to the New Brain. These primal reactions are simply not logical. Exactly!! But, that doesn’t make them any less powerful.

Turning away from the touchy-feely nature of the Old Brain, doesn’t help.
As you begin to attend to your bodily experience, you see that the roots of many long-standing team and organizational challenges are deeply embedded in Old Brain reactions. It’s the Old Brain’s impulses that fuel and perpetuate the most maddeningly irrational organizational problems.

And that those roots aren’t just in other people. They’re in you, too. The same irrational and primitive impulses towards power, control, and self-preservation that we decry in others – are in us too. We’re all wired with the same Old Brain circuitry.

But, you don’t have to be governed by those reactions.
You can channel the primal energy of the Old Brain into choices that promote personal, interpersonal, and organizational effectiveness. But, only if you are conscious of the Old Brain’s signals before they start running the show.

This leads to the inevitable realization that before you can act effectively in the most highly charged situations – you need to be connected to your Old Brain.

You need to become more touchy-feely.
You need to bring greater awareness to the bodily reactions that arise from the Old Brain. This increased bodily awareness allows you to communicate – via the breath – with your Old Brain and to skillfully channel its primal energies into actions that serve and enhance your most valued goals.

Here’s a method to practice.
Read the steps through. Then practice it for 1 – 3 minutes.

1.    Recall a situation that is challenging you.
It needs to be current, important, and one that triggers some mixture of frustration, anger, anxiety, overwhelm.

Bring it to mind. And then shift your attention away from thinking about the situation to noticing your bodily reactions.

2.    Where does tension arise in your body? Bring your attention there.
As you do, notice your natural breathing.
Now, simultaneously rest your attention on the place of tension as you sense your breathing.

3.    Sense how the rhythm of the breath infuses the place of tension.
Be aware of what happens – in terms of your bodily sensations.

By mixing breath and awareness into the place of tension, the Old Brain starts to let go.
There’s relaxation.

4.    Keep breathing and let that sense of letting go spread naturally through your body.

5.    Now, re-engage your New and Middle Brains
Bring the situation to mind.
What is a simple action you can take from this place of balance?

Related posts:

1. How leadership stories prevent floods
2. How to Respond to Criticism
3. Don’t always trust your gut
4. Why Talking Too Much Undermines Goal Setting
5. Has your brain left the meeting?