Deborah and I had just enjoyed a lovely meal when the waiter sidled up to the table with the dessert menu. We looked at the offerings and agreed that we both wanted and didn’t want to order dessert.

When it comes to leadership, most organizations (people) are the same way: we want and don’t want leadership.

We’re ambivalent about leadership.
We like it when people exercise leadership in ways that are inspiring and bring out our best qualities. We like leadership that generates breakthrough results without requiring us to break a sweat.

But we don’t want leadership if it causes discomfort, confusion, or sore muscles (mentally and emotionally). We don’t want to have to go through a lot of messy transformation on our way to breakthrough results.

This ambivalence makes exercising leadership a real challenge.
Because the people you work with both want and don’t want you to exercise leadership. Essentially, they want you to resolve their struggles without any . . . well . . . struggle. And that is rarely possible.

So, when you take leadership action – you’ll be met with an ambivalent response.
In some ways, your leadership is longed for and welcomed. In other ways, it’s the last thing anyone really wants from you.

This is ambivalence applies to your boss, your peers, and your direct reports.
And it makes the practice of leadership tricky. Marty Linsky, of Harvard’s Kennedy School,  captures this trickiness perfectly in his phrase: “Leadership is disappointing people at a rate they can absorb.”

Facing this ambivalence can trigger your own doubts and hesitancy about exercising leadership.
Better, it seems, to rely on your authority – the power that comes with your job description. At least, when you wield your designated authority, no one can say you’re not doing your job. Because, that’s exactly what you will be doing when you act within those well-defined bounds.

It’s when you step over the line of your sanctioned authority that you enter into the ambivalent world of leadership.
That’s when people can say, with some justification,

• “Who does he think he is?”
• “That’s not her job!”
• “We don’t have to listen to her.”

When people sense that you’re acting outside the bounds of your sanctioned authority – they’re ambivalent.
A part of them is relieved and thankful that at last someone is speaking the truth. While another part of them is irritated and anxious about dealing with issues that have been unspoken, even taboo, for so long.

When people in your organization call out to you for leadership – be aware.
They do want leadership. And they don’t. For a lot of reasons: their plate is full; they’re busy and overwhelmed. And they’re comfortable in their current state – no matter how miserable that comfort may appear.

All this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t lead.
It just means that you need a strong sense of purpose to guide you. A purpose that can keep you company as you encounter the inevitable ups and downs that will occur as you experience the organization’s ambivalence to leadership.

This purpose is at once deeply personal and organizationally relevant.
It can’t simply be an idea that’s logical. Logical arguments rarely have the power to withstand organizational ambivalence. (This is not to say that you must abandon logic. No. You must simple augment the logic of your position with a deeply felt sense of values and purpose.)

The more intimately you can fuse your own sense of values with the idea your proposing – the more you will be able to weather the storm of ambivalence.

Are you ready to wade it? Here are some questions to get started:

• What is an issue that you believe needs attention and is currently being neglected?
• What is a conversation that you believe needs to happen but which is currently being avoided?
• What is an idea that you believe needs to be championed but is currently without powerful sponsorship?

Your answers to these questions is your invitation to exercise leadership.
But, don’t dive right in. Recognize that you will be welcomed and resisted. Embraced and argued with. It’s inevitable.

So, take it slowly. Because while what you’re  offering the organization may, from your perspective, look as tempting and tasty as  wonderful dessert. People can only absorb it a spoonful at a time.