What happens when you zig-zag around problems

There’s a piece of flagstone in our backyard that’s loose. It sticks up just enough so that, if you’re not paying attention, it’s easy to stub a toe.

So, everyone in my family’s learned to walk around it. We zig-zag across the yard avoiding the offending bit of flagstone and keep our toes safe. This zig-zagging kind of works. Our toes don’t stub. But, of course, the flagstone isn’t getting addressed.

We often do similar zig-zagging in the workplace.

When there’s a problem, or a situation, that you’ve tried to address in the past – but it didn’t work out. You got your toe stubbed. You got reprimanded. You got shut down. Put off. Ignored. Rebuffed. Stonewalled.

And after a few more attempts – you’re zig-zagging around the issue (and the person).

The zig-zagging kind of works.

At least you’re not stubbing your toes, butting heads, and getting into unproductive debates. But, it also doesn’t work. Because zig-zagging around tough issues cost a lot – personally and organizationally.

What are the costs of zig-zagging around tough issues?

Zig-zagging costs time, money, and emotional resources.

On a personal level, when you avoid difficult (and important) conversations, it eats away at your own sense of integrity and aliveness. Because, you’re abandoning – or at least under-expressing – your core values. And your connection to your core values is at the heart of your sense of passion and purpose at work. When you’re connected to your core values – you feel a natural sense of “rightness” and aliveness.

When you’re disconnected from core values it hurts – at a gut or soul level.

This inner disconnection saps your energy and distorts your vision of what’s possible. As the poet, David Whyte, write:

When your eyes are tired
the world is tired also.

I would add, with sincere apologies to the poet, that when your eyes are angry, the world is combative; when your eyes are fearful, the world is threatening. When you lose the line of sight that aligns your core values with your daily action – work becomes dry, mechanical, and meaningless.

At a cultural level, zig-zagging to avoid tough conversations undermines morale and trust.

Relationships become ritualized rather than real. Meetings become carefully choreographed to avoid the volatile subjects – and as a result all the creative energy is sucked out of the room.

The impact culturally is similar to what occurs to the individual soul.

But, now it’s the corporate or team soul that suffers. Morale deteriorates. People become cynical. A cloud of helplessness obscures the sunlight of passion and creativity. Dysfunctional behaviors go unaddressed. System issues perpetuate.

This isn’t news. You know the issue needs attention. It’s just not easy to deal with problems that have taken you to your learning edge. Ahhh . . . the learning edge. What is this?

The learning edge is the place where inner and outer challenges meet.

The work that needs to be done calls for both inner and outer changes. Neither can proceed without the other. Any attempt to simply “take action” without the requisite inner development will fall flat. But, only focusing on inner work without moving into action won’t help. Such inner work, divorced from action, is more fantasy than transformation.

So, you need to move forward on two fronts.

There is inner work to be done in terms of facing fears, challenging closely held beliefs, along with cultivating courage and compassion. And there is outer work to done in terms of taking action, engaging others, and practicing new behaviors – before they’re polished.

It’s tough stuff on both fronts. Neither can be ignored. So, where do you start?

Well, that depends on where you usually start?

Are you more prone to reflection or action?

Do you feel more at home wading into the murky waters of the unconscious or do you prefer taking decisive action in the bright light of day? Do you lean inwardly or outwardly – when it comes to resolving your life’s dilemmas?

Whichever way you tend to lean – start leaning into the other direction.

If you’re a gung-ho, action-packed, get-er-done type of person than it’s time to slow down and devote time to reflection and sorting through the piles of unfilled thoughts and feelings that have piled up in your interior workspace.

If you’re more prone to journal than joust, and prefer time for solitude, contemplation, and reflection, than it’s time to step into action.

Because every problem comes with outer and inner dimensions.

There are actions that need to be taken, things that need to be done – externally – for the problem to be addressed. And there are inner shifts in attitude, perception, belief that also need to occur.

Pay attention to what happens inside – within your consciousness.

What opens up? What changes in your thoughts, feelings, and internal dialogue? Also, pay attention to where you clench up inside. Where you feel inner tension, anxiety, sadness, or anger. Be aware of what arises subjectively.

Pay attention to what happens outside – in the situation.

How are others responding to the change in your behavior? What are they saying, doing? Pay attention to where things open up and move more smoothly – and also to any unanticipated reactions or objections. Be aware of what is arising objectively in your environment.

Through cultivating your inner awareness you will expand your worldview.

Opportunities for contribution that previously were invisible will become obvious. Challenges that previously seemed insurmountable will be seen as totally doable (even trivial, at times). Your reaction time (the time between event and emotional overwhelm) will expand. You’ll be able to discern the uprising of feelings in a way that converts emotional energy into actions that reflect your core values.

And through cultivating your ability to take action you will offer greater gifts to the world.

Because your actions are more congruently rooted in core values, you move into the world with more presence and grace. You attend to the expected and unexpected responses in ways that promote shared understanding (even in the midst of conflict) and aligned action.

When big problems dog your path, you’ll stop zig-zagging to avoid them, recognizing instead that these are sign posts pointing the way to your learning edge: where you discover ever more fully what it means for you to make your leadership contribution with courage and compassion.

Questions for Reflection & Action:

What’s a situation/conversation that you’re zig-zagging around?
Do you tend to be more inner or outer oriented?
What would it look like for you to “lean” the other way?
What inner qualities do you need to cultivate to move forward?
If you were to be more congruent with your core values – what would you be doing differently? How can you start?